DIY – Der Tisch

Nach einer langen Aufschiebung konnte ich heute endlich den Tisch fertigstellen.

Das ganze lief bisher folgendermaßen ab:

Ich stellte mir die Frage, was nach dem Bett noch mit meinen bescheidenen Heimwerkerfähigkeiten gebaut werden könnte. Den Bedarf auf der einen Seite checkend und meine Fähigkeiten auf der anderen Seite abwiegend kam ich dann zum Entschluss mir ein Tisch zusammenzuwerkeln. Die Absicht gefasst ging ich im Kopf den Prozess durch:

  1. Finde schöne Bretter
  2. Überlege dir wie du die Beine des Tisches hinbekommst
  3. Richte die Bretter zurecht
  4. Montiere alles
  5. Oberflächenbehandlung ist der polierte Abschluss des ganzen

Punkt 1 und 2

Im Baumarkt des Vertrauens sollte der kritischste Punkt an dem Vorhaben, nämlich Punkt 2, die Tischbeine, von selbst erledigen. Der Baumarkt bot mir neben schönen Brettern auch gleich die Tischbeine mit an. Auf den benötigten Maß gevierteilt ging ich dann auch grinsend mit Tischbeinen und Brettern bestückt nach Hause.

Punkt 3

Zunächst fand sich keine Zeit, doch die erste Möglichkeit das Projekt voranzutreiben brachte mich ins Heimwerkerparadies in Stuttgart-Feuerbach, in den Hobbyhimmel. Hier holte ich mir zunächst eine Einweisung in die Gerätschaften. Die große Holzkreissäge besitzt nämlich das Potential neben Holz, auch menschliches Gewebe abzusägen. In der Vorsicht geschult trat ich dann an meine Bretter zu richten. Ehrlicherweise wollte mir das zunächst nicht so gut gelingen. Die Befürchtung in der Absicht die Bretter zu richten am Ende dann nichts mehr von den Brettern übrig zu haben, weil ich ständig erneut ansetzen musste, war nicht das Produkt meines Hypochondergeistes, denn obwohl meine Bühne doch recht gut besetzt ist, einen hypochondergeist ist nicht mitunter, sondern es war die natürlich, vernünftige Voraussicht. Die Meinung die Bretter perfekt ausgerichtet zu haben, mir mantraartig vorsingend ging ich mit den Brettern am Unterarm und der Schleifmaschine in der Hand wieder nach Hause. Und wieder verging viel Zeit und ich aß in der Zwischenzeit auf einem Pikniktisch, das mir ständig das Gefühl gab, bald von Ameisen und Bienen besucht zu werden.

Punkt 4

Am letzten Wochenende fand sich wieder die nötige Zeit um nun die Montage zu bewerkstelligen. Der durchaus unkomplizierte Prozess nahm mir den ganzen Tag in Anspruch. Ihr müsst wissen, jeder Prozess ist eine Überlagerung der Willen von unterschiedlichen Subjekten. In diesem Fall war es mein Wille geradeaus zu sägen und der Wille der Sägemaschine krumm zu sägen. Natürlich war ich dann dominanter.

Punkt 5

Heute ist ein feierlicher Tag, den ich mit dir liebe Welt teilen möchte. Heute habe ich Punkt vier des Programms abgeschlossen und die Oberflächenbehandlung durchgeführt. Dieser Punkt bestand im Verteilen von Flüssigkeit, welches ich mit Bravour ausübte. Und nun genießt das Kunststück.

Das Ergebnis

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